turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
