i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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