i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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