There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
