I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
