Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
