Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
