I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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