No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
