I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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