How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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