weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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