just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
