highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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