Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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