no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
