the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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