Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
