I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
