I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
