What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
