Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
