the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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