Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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