New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
