hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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