I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
