That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Acid is not a monday night drug
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
