what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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