Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
