I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
