i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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