Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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