He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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