well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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