Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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