From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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