I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
