hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
