Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
