got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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