come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
