how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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