so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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