Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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