I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
