watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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