she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
