i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
