I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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