the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
