It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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