i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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