Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
